Texting Etiquette: Mastering Communication and Avoiding Misunderstandings

Let’s talk texting.

You know, I love getting text messages. I love the little dopamine rush every time that I hear my phone ding with funny emojis and hearts. We have all started really leaning into communicating through pictures and funny memes.

I am thinking back to the first time that I discovered this brilliant way to communicate. What a time saver. As many of you know, I talk a lot, and the luxury of having a quick way to let someone know that I was stuck in traffic or I needed to reschedule an appointment has probably saved me hours of time, as it naturally limits my conversations. Great resource for me.

But what happens when things get off track? What happens when you get a response followed by six exclamation points!!!!!! Your brain just looked at all those and asked, “Why are you yelling?” Well, that wasn’t my intention. You may have felt exhilarated and excited to see those. Or, it may have triggered something a little more nefarious because your ex always ends sentences with those. Either way, it elicits a response, and tone is literally impossible to convey in a text. Unless you warm it up with a hug emoji or the sideways laughing face, it may feel a tad bit sarcastic.

In sales, there are three main ways to communicate on our phones. We have email, phone calls, and texts(I will put in DMs here as well). I could also go down the rabbit hole of Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat, but let’s keep it simple.

Email has generally taken the place of more formal communication, which we all used in the 1990s. Letters that needed to memorialize a conversation, longer instructions and details that someone would need to refer to and explanations that would require thought are my main reasons for sending emails. I also don’t check these but three times a day, so there is less urgency.

Phone calls are my favorite because I really love to have conversations. In my business, nothing is better than a really great conversation around a real estate transaction. I learn all about the potential buyer or seller, motivations, emotions around the home, and details about people’s lives that really help me work for them.

Emails are wonderful as well, as they can help clarify issues and details that may have been missed in the conversation. I can explain things in more detail and really dig into the issues at hand.

Texts - well, here’s the rub.

I can give about 50 examples of poor communication just looking at the text threads on my phone...

• "Running late?"
• "Perfect."
• "Change in plans?"
• "Great."
• "Love me?"
• "Wonderful."
• "Funny cat pic?"
• "LOVE IT!"
• etc, etc, etc...

But negotiations? NO!!!!!

(Got your attention there, didn’t I?)

The written word is so important. It should hold a higher value than how we currently use it in texting. Talk-to-text is annoying, especially if you don’t use punctuation, especially if you don’t instruct Siri to put it in. Keyboards are so small (I miss the Blackberry keyboard) that we are flying through the keys without looking and then sending off things that make absolutely no sense. We text while we drive. (This is another topic about the urgency that sends us spiraling and the expectation of an immediate response, no thanks to the read receipt)

Somehow, we have expectations that a voicemail can wait, but a text cannot - and my favorite “for a quicker response, please text!”

I can go down the time management road here, that texts steal our day in 30-second increments. That they get us off our daily routine that WE OWN because they are screaming at us to respond, often with ALL CAPS and multiple poorly used “full stop” punctuation inserts.

???!!????

There is also the nuance of what we say and how people naturally communicate. We “hear” their voice when they text. So, if you have an agent that you are working with on a transaction, and you know they are combative and aggressive, you are going to think that everything they say will be combative and aggressive, even if they are not currently in that mood. You are just going to take it that way. Then you are going to respond in a similar fashion. Especially if you are someone who mirrors a lot. Then you have two aggressive people texting and ramping up.

What are some tips for doing better?

Use your voice. We get further with conversations than we do with quick quips on a screen. Think about the intention of the communication and take a breath before you dive into furious texting.

Use texting for short messages. No one wants to read a book on their phone, especially with talk-to-text. Remember, most people are not at their desks all day, and if you are in sales, there’s a good chance you are in the car.

Think about who your audience is and what they need from you. Do they need more instruction, more detail, follow-up or a deeper dive? Are you using texting just to satiate the immediate need? Can you schedule a time to talk or email? Can you respond to a text that lets them know you are aware of the need, but that you need more time to respond in an appropriate way?

Remove read receipts on your phone. “Being left on read” is a bad feeling. Not because it’s really bad, but because we are now socialized into believing that we are being ignored on purpose. And you are also expecting a response immediately. And do you really need it right this very second?

You only need one exclamation point. You only need one question mark. You rarely ever need all caps or bold font.

Set your boundaries and their expectations up front. I tell my clients that I respond to communications in the afternoon unless it’s something urgent. Most of the time, in sales, we need time to follow up with others before communicating things back to the client. There is nothing worse than calling someone back with no information to provide simply because you haven’t had the opportunity to gather the information that you needed in the first place - (time management alert!! - you just wasted time on a call that didn’t have any value).

Set up different auto responders - I love that Apple gives you an opportunity to send a quick response to a call - things like, I am in a meeting, I will call you back this afternoon, thank you for your call, I’ll respond between the hours of 2-5 pm. You can get creative here - I love that you called me today! I’ll put you at the top of my list when I clear my current appointment.

Always assume that the person sending the text is smiling when they send it. Just set that as your position up front. Even if they are the grumpiest human on the planet, just plan on them not being grumpy. Give them the benefit of the doubt. You first. Always.

Use the schedule text button. Sending texts after regular business hours is rude, so if there is something that you MUST send, schedule it. Works for emails as well.

My biggest point is to think about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it before you hit send. And if your text, email, or phone call is off-base, even a little bit. I assure you that it is.